


come round and round back to me

by tongham



Category: Cravity (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Birthday, Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Mild Language, Opposites Attract, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27394981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tongham/pseuds/tongham
Summary: “would you mind if i start coming around regularly?”“why?” seongmin gives in, looking at taeyoung and tilting his head in question.“i’ll be delivering meals for the next month since i’m on school break and the foundation assigned me to you for that time. something about us being the same age and your “hostile tendencies”” – taeyoung supplies mock quotations for that term – “toward adults –”a laugh bubbles from seongmin’s lips. “did they actually say that?”“word-for-word,” taeyoung says teasingly with a smirk. “anyway,” he takes an audible breath, “if this hasn’t been the best first impression, i just wanna let you know that i’ll step back and deliver prunes to some old person instead.”seongmin smiles at that comment, looking directly at taeyoung to ensure he understands. “no. keep coming. you’re right, i could use something good in my life.”
Relationships: Ahn Seongmin/Kim Taeyoung
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53





	come round and round back to me

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like i dragged myself through this one yet it's the longest out of my november works?? i could hypothetically spend more time on it but i feel like i'll never get it exactly as i want it, it's Hard to communicate this little idea i've had for a while!! and it lined up with one of my prompts, wow
> 
> anyone who still thinks my #1 ship is hamlem or miniham HA it's gongtang all the way babey! i love writing them so much, i was excited for them even before debut and that's only heightened after seeing their dynamic.. 03z sun & moon best friends for life soulmates say it with me
> 
> \+ the mild language is literally One word because i couldn't think of any way to describe taeyoung other than "little shit" lmao
> 
> title from pinwheel by seventeen.

“all your numbers are good today,” the nurse says quietly from seongmin’s side. “keep up the good work.”

seongmin wants to laugh.  _ as if i have control over this, as if i want to be dying a slow and painful death. _ the nurse notices seongmin’s small rustle, the way his eyes fix on the opposing wall.

“i’ll see you next monday, seongmin. hyunjoo will be here with your breakfast shortly.”

seongmin doesn’t need to be told his routine, it’s been unchanging ever since he was admitted as a full-time inpatient four years ago due to his stupid heart and its stupid incapabilities. he’s allowed out when he’s up to it, he’s been able to sleep in his own bed at home for a handful of nights since that time, but it’s never the same as it was – always accompanied by nurses or his doctor, kind as they are, but still on duty, doing their jobs. as a silver lining, at least seongmin doesn’t really remember what normal life was like or could’ve been, he was just thirteen when he fainted on the middle school track and landed in the same hospital ward he occupies today.

his thoughts are distracted with a light rap of knuckles on his open door – open, but the respect is much-appreciated. his primary caretaker, hyunjoo, enters with a sparse tray, a piece of toast and a spoonful of strawberry jam on the side. seongmin overheard the professionals talking about this, the boy’s decreased appetite and hyunjoo’s insistence on cutting his portions to spare seongmin’s constant turmoil and occasional breakdown when he can’t keep his meals down. seongmin likes hyunjoo. he can’t say the same for most of the others anymore.

“come in,” seongmin calls out sweetly and he cringes a bit at the sound of his own voice.

“in a good mood today? you seem cheerful.” hyunjoo smiles smally at the boy, setting down the tray to focus on conversation.

“no, just acting.” seongmin thinks for a moment, laughing to himself. “i don’t think i’d know a good mood if it slapped me in the face. it’s just... every day feels the same? my ailing state can only handle one emotion.”

“apathy,” the nurse mumbles, neither as a statement nor question, and seongmin’s head turns sharply. hyunjoo’s eyes widen momentarily – seongmin knows she’s overthinking the comment – but he simply laughs.  _ this is why she’s my favourite, _ seongmin thinks.

“exactly.” seongmin’s eyes shift to the bearings and he hesitantly picks up the spoonful of jelly. “guess i should eat some now, huh?”

“please do. sorry about the repeated meal but you like toast, right?”

“if  _ like _ now means doesn’t  _ make me vomit _ ,” seongmin comments idly, brows furrowed as he methodically spreads the berries, “you are correct.”

distanced at the doorway, hyunjoo smiles smally and nods. “good. i’ll leave you to yourself now until lunchtime. don’t forget to buzz if you need anything.” she mimics the pressing of a button.

seongmin reciprocates, holding up the device in his right hand. “got it.”

the room falls silent, hyunjoo’s heeled steps echoing down the hallway and seongmin takes a deep breath, preparing to eat. he remembers what he was told when he was first admitted – slow down to eat and drink lots of water with each meal. sip, bite, sip, bite. and so seongmin does, tearing pieces of bread and jelly to chew robotically, it’s a system. seongmin feels cheated by his own body, does cardiovascular disease really need to be so universally painful?

seongmin manages to finish strong, leaving nothing but the crusts on his plate – in his defence, he essentially stopped growing up four years ago.

* * *

the day proves to be uneventful, seongmin attempting to draw something with inspiration run dry and chest aching. he gives up a second earlier than last time, tucking his supplies away and spending his afternoon listening to the same song on repeat for hours. the stage is set as he lays down completely (they say it’s better for his heart), staring at the ceiling with fingers threaded together on his stomach, fingers thrumming to the song’s familiar rhythm in the layovers between his trains of thought. he likes music, it’s like a heartbeat.

seongmin is alone for most of his waking hours, both parents working and more willing to be away from their son now that his illness is old news, a familiar obstacle in the ahns’ life. their work and commute carries them late enough into the evening that seongmin is often asleep during their visiting hours, battling his constant exhaustion is futile after his prescribed dinnertime and the sunset. his parents never wake him up. they see him daily, seongmin only sees them on the weekends.

his bedside clock buzzes to indicate the stroke of 6:00, time for his final meal of the day. seongmin rubs at his eyes blearily, ward darkened behind closed blinds as the sun falls beyond the horizon.

slowly rising, the figure in his room is much taller than hyunjoo or any of the other nurses, for that matter. seongmin squints, reaching for his glasses.

“good evening, dinner’s ready!” the chipper voice calls out, setting a plate of tomato pasta with garlic toast (seongmin’s most frequently-prescribed supper) on the retractable tray connected to the hospital bed.

“who are you,” seongmin mumbles, a question delivered flatly.

the boy laughs shortly. “my name is kim taeyoung, i’m a volunteer with the hospital foundation.” the air remains silent. “would you like to start eating, perhaps?”

“i’m tired,” seongmin says finally, pushing the tray to the side and rolling over to face the window, away from taeyoung.

“hey, hey, hey,” taeyoung says quietly, clearly panic-stricken. “they told me to make sure you eat and i don’t wanna lie to them. can you at least try?”

it’s been established that seongmin is incapable of emotion but perhaps he feels a little bit of guilt. he’s just a volunteer, still a kid, seongmin should be nicer to him. “fine,” he grumbles, sitting up again and facing taeyoung. “but it’s gonna take a long time.”

“that’s alright!” taeyoung exclaims and seongmin flinches at the volume of his voice. the other boy registers his reaction and nods curtly. “would it be better if you don’t focus so much on eating? i can distract you if you need that.”

_ sweet. _ “my kneejerk reaction is to say  _ no _ but i have a feeling you won’t be able to handle staying silent for that long.”

taeyoung’s mouth drops open slightly, nodding sheepishly. “yeah, you’re right. how do you already have me all figured out?”

“please, it’s so obvious what kind of person you are,” seongmin retorts, picking up the bread first. it’s more familiar.

“i could say the same for you.” seongmin raises an eyebrow, the crunch of toast filling the room. “you’re an edgy teen, am i right or wrong?”

seongmin smacks taeyoung’s arm with his free hand and the taller boy simply laughs. “you are so wrong! you’re just way too positive.”

“hey, what’s wrong with positivity? looks like someone could use some in their life.”

seongmin drops his fork and looks away, shrugging his shoulders vaguely. “i bet even you wouldn’t be able to stay positive if you’ve been dying since thirteen.” seongmin keeps his voice quiet in shame, the words spill out as harsh as he knows they are.

taeyoung audibly shifts next to seongmin, straining to come back into the smaller boy’s vision and get him to meet his eyes again. “i have a question, seongmin.”

“what is it?” seongmin crosses his arms, glancing sideways at the boy creeping into his vision.

“would you mind if i start coming around regularly?”

“why?” seongmin gives in, looking at taeyoung and tilting his head in question.

“i’ll be delivering meals for the next month since i’m on school break and the foundation assigned me to you for that time. something about us being the same age and your “hostile tendencies”” – taeyoung supplies mock quotations for that term – “toward adults –”

a laugh bubbles from seongmin’s lips. “did they actually say that?”

“word-for-word,” taeyoung says teasingly with a smirk. “anyway,” he takes an audible breath, “if this hasn’t been the best first impression, i just wanna let you know that i’ll step back and deliver prunes to some old person instead.”

seongmin smiles at that comment, looking directly at taeyoung to ensure he understands. “no. keep coming. you’re right, i could use something good in my life.”

* * *

the following morning, seongmin awakens before sunrise and sits in silence, thinking about the boy he met yesterday. taeyoung is a very bright person but, much to his own surprise, seongmin doesn’t find it unbearable. not that different from the rays of sunlight beginning to peek through the drawn curtains, he muses.

at nine o’clock sharp, seongmin is expecting hyunjoo and more toast. indeed, he receives more toast (blueberry jam today, alright), but the bearer surprises seongmin yet again.

“taeyoung?”

“good morning,” taeyoung greets, quieter than yesterday evening but radiating the same kindness, “time for breakfast.”

“why are you here so early?” seongmin asks distractedly as he spreads the jam, motivated to start eating immediately. he doesn’t like arguing with taeyoung, the boy already has his weaknesses figured out and seongmin can’t afford to lose.

“to volunteer, silly.” taeyoung ruffles seongmin’s hair and he mumbles incomprehensibly in protest. “it takes me two seconds to get here, i live in an apartment right there.” taeyoung points at the window of seongmin’s ward, he understands which building he’s talking about exactly.

“i see,” seongmin mumbles. “was there no strawberry jam today?”

taeyoung contemplates the detail for a moment. “no, there was. why?”

“i just usually get strawberry,” seongmin mutters quietly, feeling a bit silly for his complaint.

“strawberry?” taeyoung asks slowly before rising from his chair and walking backwards to the exit. “be right back, minnie.”

“minnie?” seongmin shouts out his bemused question in vain, taeyoung’s footsteps are already echoing down the corridors. in this moment to himself, seongmin allows himself to smile wide.  _ this taeyoung kid is really something else. _ he takes his first bite of blueberry toast.  _ not bad. strawberry’s still better. _

breathing heavy, taeyoung stumbles back into seongmin’s ward, a second precariously-balanced plate in hand. “you ate the blueberry,” he deadpans in between breaths.

seongmin nods, innocent grin slowly unfolding. “are you proud of me?”

taeyoung’s eyes roll up to the ceiling, setting the plate down in front of seongmin and slumping in the visitor’s chair. “yes, i am very proud of you. just wishing you started eating before i ran down four flights of stairs to get you a replacement. do you know how hard it was to keep this intact?” taeyoung talks animatedly and seongmin watches the show in amusement. “plus, i had to lie and say i dropped the other plate so you could get seconds!”

“i did call out to you, you just didn’t listen to me!” seongmin’s voice rises in equal measure, reaching over to whack taeyoung’s shoulder playfully. “but thank you so much for caring about my toast preferences so deeply.”

“that’s what i’m here for,” taeyoung says casually, resting back now that his lungs are restored to normal function. after a moment of comfortable silence, he speaks up again. “hey, i know you usually don’t eat much but do you still want some of your strawberry jam? i’ll go throw it out now if you don’t.”

seongmin thinks long and hard about it, eyes darting from the plate to taeyoung to the plate again. “you know what? let’s do it.” seongmin grins at taeyoung, preparing his second slice of the morning.

“really?” taeyoung’s eyes widen, clapping his hands in excitement.  _ cute. _ “this is great, seongmin! just be careful, okay? don’t forget your water.” he places a fresh glass on the tray, ice cubes and glass clinking in contact.

“thank you,” seongmin says sincerely and begins to eat, slowly and methodically as he should.

taeyoung is mindful of his pacing, striking up numerous little conversations with the smaller boy about their lives, learning more about each other. seongmin learns that taeyoung is a high school senior, is on the soccer team, and found his way into the hospital foundation when his father was diagnosed with lung cancer – he is now cancer-free, seongmin was very glad to hear.

life paling in comparison, seongmin is honest with taeyoung about his feelings: the repetitive days, his attitude on the constant downward spiral, the empty feeling of teenage experiences he never had. as chatty as he is, taeyoung can be a great listener, nodding and humming in understanding but rarely interrupting.

when seongmin’s relaying a childhood memory to taeyoung, his stomach begins to turn and he scrunches his face up in discomfort. removing the toast from his hand, taeyoung helps him stand and guides him to the bathroom, eyes wide with concern.

it’s always an unpleasant situation whenever seongmin’s met with the toilet bowl but even the porcelain staring back at him, a sight he grew to hate when he was fourteen, is a bit more bearable with taeyoung by his side, knelt down and gently rubbing his back as his stomach rejects the morning meal that taeyoung essentially ran for his life to retrieve.

murmured affirmations ringing in his ears, it’s in this admittedly-gross situation where seongmin realizes that that he may have a crush on taeyoung, keyword  _ may _ . yes, it’s only been a day and taeyoung is the first peer seongmin has met in a number of years, but how is the poor boy supposed to know what love looks like?

* * *

by the end of the rainy season, taeyoung is delivering seongmin’s every meal, frequently with hyunjoo in tow as seongmin’s primary caretaker. at some point along that stretch, taeyoung doubles up on the plates (seongmin’s eyes widened in fear the first time he walked into his ward with two sandwiches, taeyoung just laughed) and eats alongside the younger as a form of encouragement. each time, seongmin confesses that he feels bad about it and each time, taeyoung says he doesn’t mind and sends a genuine smile his way. seongmin believes him.

one night, hyunjoo drops by his room unexpectedly. “seongmin? are you still up?”

the boy glances over his shoulder at the digital clock, ten o’clock. “yeah.”

hyunjoo smiles softly, sitting at the foot of his bed. “can we talk?”

“about what,” seongmin mumbles flatly, closing in instinctually.

“taeyoung. you’re the happiest i’ve seen you ever since you came here and i’m guessing he’s to blame.”

seongmin stares at the ceiling, crossing his arms across his chest. “this is what you guys wanted, right? it’s working.”

“and i’m glad it is. he’s really smitten with you, be easy on him.”

recalling his little breakfast incident the other week, other moments where he found his mind wandering to life with taeyoung as something more than a volunteer or even a friend, seongmin’s stomach flutters with butterflies, a welcomed sensation compared to the everyday aches and pains. “okay,” seongmin says dumbly.

the nurse nods wordlessly, patting seongmin’s legs as she stands up and leaves. and again seongmin is alone, head turning to the window and thinking of taeyoung.

* * *

seongmin opens his eyes to the sunrise on the first of august, his 18th birthday – or, as he likes to call it, sunday. seongmin gave up on celebrating his birthday long ago, try as his parents might. he allows them to bring him around town, though, he knows it’s important to them that he’s lived another year.

his parents are there to greet him, indeed, his mother’s hand resting on his tenderly. he offers her a weak smile, blinking quickly to wake himself up and appear alert. hyunjoo’s there, too, quietly explaining his parents’ plans for the day and confirming her spot as his additional supervision for the outing. seongmin just nods politely at every word, he’s well-versed in going through the motions when it comes to special occasions.

he rises early, out the door by eight o’clock for breakfast pancakes, a birthday tradition since his days of good health. pancakes aren’t included in his provisional meal plan, but one day of 365 isn’t the end of the world, right?

in the car en route to the ahns’ for a morning at home, seongmin’s phone buzzes in his pocket. brows furrowing together – only his parents and nurses ever contact him – he slips it out, angling the screen toward himself.

**taeyoung**

attachment: 1 image

**taeyoung**

where are you???

the photo is a plate of toast with extra strawberry jam, perched precariously on the tray connected to seongmin’s empty bed. realization weighs down on seongmin shoulders, sighing loud enough to warrant a glance from hyunjoo.  _ nothing, _ he mouths silently so not to worry his parents.

_ omg sorry i forgot to tell you today’s my birthday _

_ i know today’s your birthday, i have your medical records _

_ don’t you see the double serving of jam? i had to sweet-talk my way to that for you :( _

_ right _

_ i forgot to tell you i spend the day with my parents _

_ when will you be back? _

_ usually 7pm _

_ oh ok _

_ enjoy your day minnie!!! _

_ no happy birthday? _

_ i’ll tell you in person _

_ what _

taeyoung leaves him on read, that little shit.

* * *

“happy birthday, seongmin,” hyunjoo says shortly when they return to his ward, parents bidding him farewell from the parking lot as visitation hours have ended. “i hope you had fun today.”

she intentionally avoids an active question (there was an ugly incident on seongmin’s 15th) but the boy nods curtly anyway. with a small smile, hyunjoo closes his door shut and it’s back to normalcy.

seongmin knows he should change before his energy burns out but he just sits in the visitor’s chair, limbs going limp as he ignores the telltale signs from his body. god, how is this only his 18th – 

fatigue long forgotten, the boy jumps to his feet abruptly at a knock on his door. “come in,” he says just loud enough to be heard and not a decibel over.

a familiar head pokes past the frame, inquisitive expression quickly transforming into a smile when he meets eyes with the boy in the room. “i said i’d tell you in person.” taeyoung slides past the frame, small cake in hand.

seongmin’s jaw remains slack, hand slowly coming up to cover his mouth out of courtesy. “you actually came.”

taeyoung raises an eyebrow, setting the cake down on a small, useless table that’s been in seongmin’s room for ages. “you were expecting me?”

“not really. i was just hoping i’d get to see you today,” seongmin admits and he swears he feels his cheeks heat up.

“ _ you _ wanted to see  _ me _ ?” taeyoung points in disbelief, slowly approaching seongmin. “i’m honoured, truly.”

the corners of seongmin’s lips quirk up. “so,” he says idly, eyes wandering to the cake, “where’d you get the cake?”

“homemade,” taeyoung says proudly and seongmin glares, willing an honest answer. “okay, i bought it after soccer practice. i’ve been here for two hours, did you not see me in the waiting area?”

seongmin shakes his head. “why did you wait so long? i told you i’d be back at seven.”

taeyoung looks up in thought, shrugging finally. “guess i really wanted to see you today, too.” with those words and a small smile, he lights the single candle on the cake and carries it over to seongmin, singing  _ happy birthday _ in a quiet voice. seongmin likes the sound.

when he finishes the song, seongmin meets his eyes and mouths a  _ thank you _ before blowing out the candle. unable to clap (seongmin can tell he wants to), taeyoung smiles bright and spins the bed’s tray toward him, setting the cake down and drawing a plastic butter knife.

mindful of his weak stomach, taeyoung cuts a thin piece and places it on a paper plate, passing it along with a fork into seongmin’s waiting hands. “i hope you’re not too full from today, i bet you had to eat a lot.”

“i did,” seongmin admits, “but this looks way too good to pass up.” the smaller boy watches taeyoung cut another seongmin-sized slice for himself and he silently raises an eyebrow, much too aware of taeyoung’s attention to his condition.

“it’s fine, this is good.” seongmin keeps staring intently until taeyoung meets his eyes fully, smiling and putting his worries to rest.

the pair eat the cake in relative silence, seongmin exhausted both physically and mentally from his long day and taeyoung forever understanding of his mood swings. the quiet is broken when seongmin asks for a second slice of cake, taeyoung smiling encouragingly as he picks up the knife and cuts two more pieces, one for each.

“thank you so much, taeyoung,” seongmin says, finally putting down his fork and leaning back, stretching absentmindedly. “you have no idea how grateful i am to have you. today especially but every day.”

“seongmin, i have a question,” taeyoung says abruptly, discarding his own plate and fork in the nearby waste bin. “do you like me?”

seongmin’s eyes widen, fumbling to hold onto the arm of his chair before toppling over. “why would you even ask that?” the younger boy laughs shortly, an attempt to alleviate the situation and its effects on his accelerating heart rate – it’s especially bad for his health.  _ screw you, kim taeyoung. _

“because i like you.”

taeyoung’s four words shatter seongmin’s attempt at composure yet again, bringing a hand to his chest – that’s his heartbeat, he hasn’t felt it so strongly in so long. he takes a deep breath, willing himself to respond. “yes, taeyoung. i like you too.”

drawing his eyes upward from the floor, taeyoung’s dazzling smile fills seongmin’s vision and he can’t look away. moving on with a quick nod, smile still intact, taeyoung stands up to package the cake. “goodnight, seongmin, and happy birthday.”

after taeyoung’s presence leaves the room, seongmin smiles to himself like the absolute idiot he is, cheeks hurting from the force. the flutter in his chest from learning that taeyoung likes him too isn’t scary. he welcomes it.  _ no wonder people love being in love. _

humming in the background as seongmin reflects in rose-tinted light, the sound of footsteps retreat before they return mere moments later. cake disposed, taeyoung enters the room again empty-handed.

“taeyoung, what –” seongmin stands up, approaching taeyoung as the taller boy catches his breath.

“i almost forgot,” he breathes out and seongmin raises his eyebrows in question when taeyoung takes a good look at the smaller boy, slender fingers reaching up warm against seongmin’s cheeks and –

oh.

_ oh. _

_ kissing taeyoung is nice _ is all seongmin’s mind can come up with in the moment, thoughts slowing down as his senses heighten to absorb the sensations – taeyoung’s lips soft on his, sweet like strawberry; his heart thrumming at full speed in ways he’s never felt before.

it’s much too short in seongmin’s opinion, the boy pouting slightly when taeyoung draws away. “see you tomorrow, seongmin.”

seongmin nods silently, letting out a small sound of surprise when taeyoung presses a second, shorter kiss to his mouth. smiling down at him before regretfully turning away, he waves to seongmin one last time before closing the door shut.

and again seongmin is alone, head turning to the window and thinking of taeyoung. with a finger resting softly where taeyoung’s lips were, he experiences a change of heart, his coming-of-age story. for once, he feels grateful to have lived this long, to have suffered through the lows of his heart if it meant experiencing this high. kim taeyoung’s presence in his life is worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaa whywhyWHY was that so long!!? i tried to keep it brief (why it's rushed) but i hope it doesn't seem Too rushed.. tried to justify it in there haha
> 
> feedback is much appreciated! especially because my day 2 work is getting more than i expected?? gongtangists make yourselves known!! i wanna keep on providing that good content. hmu on twitter @deuichas or at curiouscat.me/tongham and stay safe everyone~ until next time! (i may die after this one i'm running out of gas)


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